Anchor

Three steps forward, two steps back. It was that kind of week. Lots of sucker-punches. Meeting an 8-months pregnant woman who lightly complained about gaining four pounds in two weeks. It wasn’t her fault. I used to be innocent, too. But it hurt, understanding I never can be again. Realizing that my daughter’s sidewalk chalk drawings aren’t comforting any more. That they take me back to last summer and feeling like a ticking time bomb…trying not to move, counting kicks, and praying. And then there’s Ellie’s new fascination with babies and the fact that most of her friends have little siblings. “We don’t have a baby in our house.” Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Just. Breathe. Everywhere I looked this week there was sadness. Friends going through unimaginably hard times. Family struggling with a new normal. And let’s not even talk about the news. I actually try to stay as uninformed as possible these days because I hate the feeling of helplessness that comes with hearing about yet another gun death or plane crash or utter insanity like the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act.” Despite the beautiful Spring weather this week, part of me wished I could lock myself in the house, pull the covers over my head, and hide from it all.

My family will celebrate Easter this Sunday. I’m admittedly not a Super Catholic, but I do know that Easter is all about Hope. So I took to Google to find an apropos quote that might pull me together this week. There was one that kept popping up that spoke to me. “Hope anchors the soul.” Ironically, the word that draws me to this quote isn’t actually Hope. It’s Anchor. A perfect, comforting word for a week when I felt tossed around by sadness. It’s interesting to use it positively. Not to be weighed down by the little slaps in the face and the big terrors of life. Instead, to feel grounded by the sweet, small moments that happen daily. Easter couldn’t be more aptly timed this year.

*Coloring Easter Eggs: Definitely not a Soares family tradition. We went with tacky plastic eggs for our Easter morning egg hunt. But Mike wanted to share one of his childhood traditions with Ellie. She was absolutely thrilled. Too bad she’s wearing a Santa hoodie in all of these fun Easter snaps. Yes, that actually bothers me. Photog-Mommy fail.

*Mommy-Ellie day. Since it was a beautiful sunny day, and since Ellie has been getting into Thomas and Friends, we took the train to Southport for the morning. (Ellie named every train that came by…Thomas, Percy, Gordon…and insisted the voice announcing stations as we rode was “Sir Topham Hatt.”) We shopped, played at the playground, and had lunch together. It was lovely.

*Total Barre. I can fulfill all of my ballerina fantasies while toning my bum. Now that’s a win-win.