There is a beautiful glass wall, delicately etched with flowers, on the Family Services floor of Lurie Children’s Hospital. It hangs peacefully in front of a large window…light constantly streaming through it…next to the hospital chapel. The inscription on the wall reads, “To honor the memory of those who have touched and inspired our lives.” Our Hannah was recently added to the Gifts of Love wall, thanks to the multitude of generous donations that were made in her name by our dear family and friends. Mike and I were invited to the dedication ceremony several months ago, but couldn’t find the strength to attend at the time. We wanted to visit another day, just the two of us, to view her name…to honor her. We wanted to choose a day separate from her upcoming September 4 anniversary. That day will be marked, but it is a dark day. One for grieving. We wanted to start a tradition of honoring her through service, though giving, by creating hope, separate from the sadness each year. One such day came this week when we viewed her name through proud tears on this powerful tribute wall.
Even after 10 months, it was incredibly hard going back to the hospital again. A place where we spent so much time during my pregnancy running tests, viewing ultrasounds, and talking with doctors about the care Hannah might need once she was born. I was up half the night beforehand, and was so nervous that I nearly changed my mind and canceled our appointment. But I am so glad we went. Seeing our baby’s name on that wall gave us some amount of peace. It made it possible for us to once again frequent the Streeterville neighborhood without being overwhelmed by fear and dread. Haunted by the most devastating memories of our lives. As Mike so eloquently said, “Now this isn’t just where we lost her. It’s where we can find her.”
Thank you again to everyone who made charitable donations in Hannah’s name, whether to Lurie, or the children’s section of a public library, to Make a Wish, or March of Dimes, or your local animal shelter to save a furry life. These incredible gestures make her name stand for something beautiful. They keep her spirit alive. They give me and Mike more comfort than you will ever know. Our Hannah is doing something great. We always knew she would.
Hannah Felicity, your strength will continue to inspire me every day of my life. You are my brightest Gold Star this week. I’ll love you forever.
